I'm Too Cool to Smile!

I snapped at least a dozen pictures of Brandon and, they all have the same look. Everytime he sees the camera, he looks pissed off. He has learned to hate having his picture taken. "Great! Way to capture those memories, mom!"

Brandon has been extra cranky this weekend. Everytime we picked him up or put him down he freaked. He would cry like he was in pain. It was unbearable. Mostly cause he isn't wasn't in pain, he was just being a "Big Pain". Was is his deal? Does he just like being whiny? Well, he is a little better now. Daddy is spending some quality time with him.

Sometimes, I watch that "Crash Test Mommy" show on Life Network. I must say, those Crash-Test Parents piss me off at how neglectful and idiotic, they are about taking care of a child. Of course, being a mom now, I am overly critical. Before I was a mom, I probably would've been just as idiotic. Overall, mom (And that is ALL MOM's everywhere.) is pretty wonderful. Not cause of what she can accomplish. But, because she knows it's not about quantity it's about... (say it with me) quality of life.

Now, I am off to bake some cookies! (Seriously, I am.)

What a Charmer!

Quiet Moment

Brandon is in his crib, catching a snooze. I am taking a moment to eat lunch and update this blog. Brandon is really working on getting his giggle going. If I wag my tongue in front of him and make a strange noise, he closer to his giggle. You can imagine, I am waging my tongue for him quite a bit. He just sounds so cute when he wants to laugh. I will keep him there as long as he is amused. Happy baby = happy times.

Brandon has exema. It started to develop a few weeks ago. It would almost seem to come and go. But lately, the red patches are really flaring up and he is starting to scratch his face. He is learning to move his fingers while rubbing. He has knicked himself a few times. I swear, I trim his nails almost twice a week. Those suckers grow fast.

At last, I have signed up for New Moms group. I start my first session August 17th. Brandon may be older than a few of the other babies, but I don't care. Spending time, talking to other moms lets you know you are not alone. Besides, it gets me out of the house. I was contimplating a baby yoga class earlier, too. I decided against it, cause I thought Lee would need the car. Ah screw it, I say! Well, now I do. L took thee class with her little girl and she really enjoyed it. We shall see if Brandon is small enough in the fall.

And finally, I received my exemption results from CGA yesterday. I am exempt for everything from levels 1 to 3. Except, Management Information Systems and the Business Case. I knew I would have to retake it. Crap! Oh well, C'est La Vie! Interesting part is I will be finishing around the same time as my other friends who are taking the same courses. Fun, fun, fun. Crazy, I am actually looking forward to it.

Everybody check this out!

Anybody who is and was a fan of Firefly, check this out. Tell all your friends, make sure they tell their friends. Some of you have already seen this. Screw it! See it again! It was my idea and all mine! Lee helped too!
Enjoy!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=a_Bz02IedbU

My First Family Photo

3

Water

drink this water slowly
to fill the hollow
don't overflow, don't tip
this gentle sweetness
this heavenly bliss
it's enough for you
only for you
to taste, to savour
to be a believer
the wine is healthy
heavenly and heady
crawl to me, beg from me
make love for what you want
this is what you want
when you're dry and sober
you'll come back for more


Stand Still

Turn around, look at me
Look at me the way I see you
I want you to see me
the way I see you

I know you see me
But you can't - not that way
Not with the way I feel
I never had the nerve to say

I strangely care
You don't even know
I don't even know why
But I'll die if I show

I like you
But you don't know that
Who knows what you feel
I don't want it to be fact

I can't take disappointment
I fear your reaction
It won't be the right one
I know you won't return my affection

Let me sit behind you
You won't have to know
I'll sit behind you
and wait till you go

I'll get through this
Like I never knew
I won't have to face it
I won't have to face you

Not a word from me
no return from you
No one needs to know
Then I don't have to know the truth


Friendship Theme

A friend never far
shining as homely as a heavenly star
True of heart
dishonesty would break you apart
Close and deep
secrets and feelings to keep
Bright warm smiles
make the day seem worthwhile
A helping hand
believes in you even when you can't
In bad times and in good
when you want or when you think you should
Loyalty to the end
never betrayed, always to defend
In seriousness the laughter
makes for a happy ever after
Admiration of a hero in the mind's eye
Your strength helps them to fly
With new people, one must be told
of habits. But I know you of old
Not always in sync of time
Not yours, not mine
Never let you down
A happy face when you feel like a frown
Positive words fill the air
When you don't seem to care
Never can be ill at them
A pleasant voice makes everything forgotten
Never will one be left
Not in mailce, not in death
A special word, known only to us
as friends go, we are the best

Sound Bites

Gonna get back to the source
Take this wondrous force
And put it where the love don't shine
Love is like a flower
With a million watts of power

- "Put it Where the Love Don't Shine"
by Lawrence Gowan

No one can shake my in most calm
While to that rock, I'm clinging
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing

-"How Can I Keep From Singing"
- Enya

New Post

Due to the offensive content, the previous post has been deleted. This has been written in its place.

Brandon has slept through the night twice in a row, now. Sunday his whole napping schedule was screwed up. He was very tired. He got a few winks here and there. When he went down around 10pm, he somehow managed to sleep till 8am Monday morning. He got over 8 hours in total. And last night he went down around 11pm and slept all the way until about 5am. The time was shorter last night, but the key is to not let him nap so much durring the day. A few quick naps and he will sleep longer at night. He is getting used to the idea of going to bed in the late evening. Once he is changed in to his jammies, he wants to eat right away to store enough food to get him through the night. I say, "Party On!"

Well, I got my Alberta Marraige Certificate in the mail yesterday. So, I went down to NAIT to forward my transcripts to CGA. No one bothered to look at my certificate to make sure I was who I said I was. My courses were under my maiden name and my form had my married name. No one cared. I was able to pay for them and have NAIT send my transcripts with no problems. Gees! What the hell? I could've been anybody. Nobody bothered to look. Well, what psycho would order someone else's transcripts? Retorical question.

Last night, the Serenity game was cancelled again. My brother was the only player left available so, he came over. He started me on a solo adventure of D & D. I got to create my character as the adventure started. I already enjoy the Serenity game. Now, my brother has got me into D & D. And...I Like it! Is it too geeky to like playing a solo advenure? Is it okay? Oh God! I am a closet RPGer!

I did something radical this afternoon. I put a groggy Brandon in his crib and left him there. The intention was to see if he would fall asleep on his own. I shut the door, turned on the monitor, and went downstairs. I could here him toss n'turn a bit, but now I hear no movement. I think he is asleep. And he wasn't upset about it. He did this willingly. I know that won't happen all the time. Yay, for co-operative baby! Cause tomorrow he may not be. Yeah, while I was gaming with Pat yesterday, Brandon was needy for attention. Maybe it was brief raintstorm. Maybe it bothered him and he wanted to be cuddled. Who knows? All, I know is I am happy cuddle him anytime he needs.

This Just In...

Well, I was filling out my transcript request form and right on the form it says "Name Change Documents Required". And I cannot find my marraige certificate to save my life. I am Fucked!

Class Decisions

Brandon is sitting in his swing looking at me all pissed. I hope I haven't ticked him off by putting him in his swing. Well, since he isn't squaking, I assume he his fine. Oh wait, now he is trying to blink his eyes open. I think he is sleepy. Yes, sleepy baby, go to sleep.

T showed me how to start my CGA evaluation/application last night. I feel so dumb. I should have been able to figure it out myself.

Tomorrow, I am heading over to NAIT to send my transcripts over to CGA. Then, shortly afterwards I should find out what I will be exempt for. I might have to retake the odd course, but I suspect I will be exempt for most of the courses for the first 3 levels. My only concern is whether I should take classes at NAIT or take distance learning through CGA. Ultimately, I learn better in a classroom. And considering T has told me sometimes the Tutor can be a real moron and they are your only assistance, I think I would be better off taking night classes. The only concern I have is Brandon won't be quite on solids at that time. He will freak if I am gone for 4 hours. And with being in class, Lee will not be able to call me home to feed him. He would have to take a bottle. And so far, he is refusing it absolutly. Well, if I have to retake Management Information Systems again, I will have to do it in a classroom. I will not go through the crappy CGA course. I won't.

Also, my other T friend is going to enroll in CGA come January. She also says she learns better in a classroom, she also had good grades. She will get exempt for everything in the first 3 levels. It would be nice to be on par with her come January. Then we can take all the same classes. Considering she lives on the outskirts of town, it would be nice to see her in class (like old times) a few days a week. I miss her.

Oh well, I do have to do what is best for my learning in the long run. But I also have to what is best for Brandon. I know what I am going to do. Everyone be brave.

Baby Pirates

Sunday I tried seeing "Pirates of the Caribbean" with my friend Ruth and NO GO. It was sold out. Till 9:45pm. Considering I have to arrange my schedeule and Ruth had to work at 7am, Fat Fucking Chance of that!

Instead, Ruth and I went over to BP's and chatted. That was nice. It was getting close to 9pm (Mind you, remember I would still be in the movie at this time. And Pirates is 2 & 1/2 hours and I would've origionally got home around 11pm) my cell phone rings. It's Lee. He is begging me to come home. He has been trying to feed Brandon for the last half hour. Brandon has been cranky for over an hour. *I hear incessant crying in the back ground* Ruth and I leave the restaurant. I must admit, that I took my time. I really wanted to not be rushed, as much as Brandon needed me (And Lee Too!) I wanted to finished my night without rushing frantically home.

I get home. Brandon is screaming in his crib, Lee is holding his head. I pick Brandon up and take him to the bed and he feeds. Once he is latched on, he says "Hmph!" Like we got it was about time we got it right. I was feeding Brandon by 9:15pm. Lee as determined not to call me, as if I was in the theatre. But with the way things went, my leash has just been retracted.

On Monday, K & K came over and we watched a mysterious movie called "Where the Truth Lies" with much nudity and kinky sex. I must say the sex was integral to the film. (Seriously, it was!) The mystery wasns't all that exciting. But the sex was! And kinky Colin Firth RRRRR!

Must go feed my family lunch now.

Careers and Obligations

Soon I will be able to apply for my CGA and get started on some home schooling. I am excited to be learing again. Well, you never really stop learning. I need that stimulation of my brain. I miss it.

Regarding my professional study I am having thoughts about that. I want to continue my career in what I am good at, but I don't want to be a Controller. I hate corporations (See the movie "The Corporation") and the politics surrounding it. The most important things to me are my friends and family. The most important thing I have to give them is my free time. Once time goes by, it is gone. You do not get it back. I want to be able to give them as much of my free time as I can and still obtain my career.

I thought of maybe obtaining a degree into another interest I have, but that would require aminimum of 4 years of full-time study and God knows when I would be able to spend time with my family. My family is my priority. No a chance will I miss my boy growing up.

Also, since I had a dream I had 4 children. Hmmm....maybe? Yeah, this program will be flexible enough to allow me to reach my career goal over time. Just as long as I don't have to be a controller.

Afternoons Home

I must say I really like the fact that Encore Avenue is moved to a cable channel rather than a pay channel. I have seen some good movies for free. Right now I am watching "Dark Crystal". Good stuff!

Brandon is having his afternoon nap at this moment. I thought I would take this time to update. He is starting figure out a routine. Between 10 and 11pm he has his final meal of the day and falls asleep immedietly after. He transfers fairly easily to bed and sleeps for a few straight hours. He still wakes for his late night feedings. I wonder when that is supposed to ease off. Mom said, my brothers and I were really good and started to sleep through the night at about 6weeks to 2 two months. Brandon is almost 3 months old and he still doesn't sleep through the night. When, oh when is that going to happen? I've heard of babies waking through the night cause they are used to it. They aren't really hungry, just a routine. How will I know if he is just hungry or just used to it? I don't know. Maybe I just won't have that problem. *sigh*

I watched a documentry on Superman the other day narrated by Kevin Spacey. I quite enjoyed that. I believe Superman is my favourite superhero. Also favourite comic book hero translated to the big screen. But I have to say Smallville is dumb. It reminds me of Star Trek: TNG where you could watch any episode without worrying about where in the series you were watching. There is little progression of the storylines. It's all Clark-Lana angst. *Ugh!* How horrid!

I am going to go and enjoy afternoon with a sleeping baby. Yay!

Much Soul

I am still up. I am currently watching "The Legend of Zorro". So far, I am enjoying it. But like many Hollywood films, it is fairly predictable. It's fluff.

Brandon is asleep in his crib. He has stayed asleep for awhile. He must of been really tuckered out. He's rarely this good. He did have a bit of a crappy day. When he would wake from his naps, he was suddenly crying. He was either uncomforatble, upset that I wasn't there right away or he was having a nightmare. I just feel so bad.

I picked up the latest Jacksoul release. He does some covers of soul songs. Some songs you wouldn't think were soul songs, like "1979" and "High and Dry" and "Pieces of Me". I know, I was shocked to see an Ashlee Simpson song on there too. I have to admit, the tune is catchy. And if anything, the Jacksoul version is better.

Now, if I had a choice of Antonio Banderas and Rufus Sewell I would pick Rufus Sewell. It's his eyes. Much more soulful.

Formula Try-Out

Well, I've just fed Brandon. He was sleeping peacefully. Once we tried to move him he woke up instantly. Damn! Now he's moaning for something (probably more boob) and he's kicking like he's wired. Damn! Damn!

We got some formula from our neighbors. They graciously gave us a can of Good Start. Lee prepared some about an hour ago. We are waiting for it to cool. Lee wants to try Brandon on formula again. He wants me to have more freedom to do things instead of being on this leash and have to get hom cause Brandon is frantically wanting to eat.

I am still apprehensive cause the last time we fed him he got a horrible rash. And what if he decides he doesn't want the boob anymore? I am having a slight rejection issue. I would like his food to mainly come from me. Not a bottle. So far, he seems to prefer mommy. But, we'll see. Maybe he won't even take the bottle. This is depressing.

Lee is changing Brandon. Brandon, again, wasn't done eating. My God, will this child ever fill up?