Thanks for the positive comments back. I appreciate that. I love you too!
I think where that self loathing came from - Facebook! Yeah, crappy fucking Facebook! I got in touch with some old friends of mine - via Facebook of course. Some polite correspondence was exchanged and I even opened up about my ordeal to one of these people. I thought a connection was re-established. Boy, was I fucking wrong!
I asked each "friend" if they wanted to have a coffee or meet and do something. Yeah, there friendship had a boundry. I crossed it. They want nothing to do with me apparently. Once the question was asked, they did not write back. Nor has a friend request been offered.
So, I took the risk and threw the olive branch out there. And I took it as a form of rejection rather than a failing on their part. I know I am a good person and some people like me! Screw this self examination of whether I am worth it or not. Fuck it! I know who is important to me. I know who cares about me.
At this point, I am contemplating getting off Facebook just cause it is an incredible waste of time suckage. And if I want people to know what is going on with me, I'l just do what I did before Facebook. Call or send a massive email. I was done before, it can be done again.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Feeling Down About Myself
Do people like me? Do my friends even like me? Am I likeable? Does my personality put people off? I didn't think so. Sometimes, I am little too blunt, but most of the time, I think people like me. Why not? I never get any impression otherwise.
Well, if my friend Russ wants nothing to do with me, why doesn't he just say so instead of skirting around talking to me. I can tell when someone is not interested in being my friend. Or maybe I can't. I don't know. I don't know anymore. Sometimes it just feels like no one wants to be my friend. I am lonely. I am lonely all day. I wish there was someone there I could talk with and hang out with. Someone who likes me, at least. Please don't pretend.
Does anybody like me? Be honest. Don't play games. Just tell me. Do you enjoy talking to me? Do I add to your life? Would you be my friend if I wasn't married to Lee?
Well, if my friend Russ wants nothing to do with me, why doesn't he just say so instead of skirting around talking to me. I can tell when someone is not interested in being my friend. Or maybe I can't. I don't know. I don't know anymore. Sometimes it just feels like no one wants to be my friend. I am lonely. I am lonely all day. I wish there was someone there I could talk with and hang out with. Someone who likes me, at least. Please don't pretend.
Does anybody like me? Be honest. Don't play games. Just tell me. Do you enjoy talking to me? Do I add to your life? Would you be my friend if I wasn't married to Lee?
