So here is the what the scoop is:
First of all, I finally got a review. Unexpected it was, but not unwelcome. I like to know how I am doing. And the comment were glowing. The love me. The said my position was the most important in the department and that I have exceeded all expectations. The like me. The like me so much in fact, they gave me a raise. A Big Wopping Raise. And they stressed, they would love me to come back. When someone strokes your ego, it's nice. Really nice. Nothing could bring me down for the rest of the day. Not even the D word.
Second, I think I had my first Braxton-Hicks contraction tonight. It felt...like a solid ball in my tummy. It was hard and uncomfortable. I was shedding a few tears in discomfort. It wasn't fun. Maybe I was not dealing with it well because I had no idea what it was and it made me become increasingly anxious cause I had no idea what it was. Not a great combination. I laid down and the pain went away. Yeah, for pain going away. Oh man, I think Labour is going to eat me alive. Oh dear God, what have I gotten myself into?
Anyways, sleeping sucks. Being conscious sucks. I really want to stop being pregnant...NOW!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Serious Thoughts
I've been thinking about friendship lately. Well, more than lately. Pretty much forever. The thing that bothers me is the friends I have lost over the years. Some I know why, some I don't know why. These were people I thought were really close to me and they severed the ties without really saying, "Bye." And I miss them.
First, there was Cara. Okay I know why she's gone. It was pretty much because her boyfriend, Jay, hit on my. In a big way. While she was sleeping in the other room. And she didn't believe me. So she believed the word of a guy she had been with for one year as apposed to a friend whom she's known for 5 years. Nice. As far as I know, they are still together. I caught a glimpse of them last summer at Klondike Days. They were right ahead of Lee and I, in line, to see the Twisted Sister concert. Needless to say, I ran away to avoid them. I really have nothing to say about that.
Then there was Russ. We seemed to be really close until shortly after we became roommates. He became very cold to me. I don't know why to this day. After living a year and a half together, we parted ways. He never called or looked me up. I can't even find him listed in the city anymore. Who knows where he is now.
Now Jessy. I may have ran into her lately and be talking to her again, but there is nothing there. I get that now. And here's why. She stopped talking to me. And don't mean contacting. She just didn't tell me anything. Fine, we don't have to talk about your deep dark secrets. Trust is earned, not bestowed. But tell me about your day, Gees! She finally called me last week. She was baking cookies and life was boring. That was all she offered. Then she mentioned how busy her life was. "Uh, what? I thought you said it was boring." We can't create a friendship unless you sharing goes both ways. My friend P said something that struck me, "It doesn't matter if I talk to you once a month or once a year or whatever. I don't need that." And you know what, he's right. It shouldn't matter. Friendship just IS and it doesn't require "a check in" to make sure things are okay. But the friendship will not work without that give and take. It doesn't have to be too personal, if that bothers some. Just tell me about the guy who pissed you off in line or the bastard at work who ruined your day. I just need to know that we sharing. That is what makes the freindship stronger. Without it, there is nothing there.
Maybe some agree, maybe some disagree. That is just how I see it. I do know, in my close circle of friends, there isn't anything I wouldn't tell them. They have my trust and my respect. I care for them, I value them and I love them like an extended family.
Now, I am going to go cry.
First, there was Cara. Okay I know why she's gone. It was pretty much because her boyfriend, Jay, hit on my. In a big way. While she was sleeping in the other room. And she didn't believe me. So she believed the word of a guy she had been with for one year as apposed to a friend whom she's known for 5 years. Nice. As far as I know, they are still together. I caught a glimpse of them last summer at Klondike Days. They were right ahead of Lee and I, in line, to see the Twisted Sister concert. Needless to say, I ran away to avoid them. I really have nothing to say about that.
Then there was Russ. We seemed to be really close until shortly after we became roommates. He became very cold to me. I don't know why to this day. After living a year and a half together, we parted ways. He never called or looked me up. I can't even find him listed in the city anymore. Who knows where he is now.
Now Jessy. I may have ran into her lately and be talking to her again, but there is nothing there. I get that now. And here's why. She stopped talking to me. And don't mean contacting. She just didn't tell me anything. Fine, we don't have to talk about your deep dark secrets. Trust is earned, not bestowed. But tell me about your day, Gees! She finally called me last week. She was baking cookies and life was boring. That was all she offered. Then she mentioned how busy her life was. "Uh, what? I thought you said it was boring." We can't create a friendship unless you sharing goes both ways. My friend P said something that struck me, "It doesn't matter if I talk to you once a month or once a year or whatever. I don't need that." And you know what, he's right. It shouldn't matter. Friendship just IS and it doesn't require "a check in" to make sure things are okay. But the friendship will not work without that give and take. It doesn't have to be too personal, if that bothers some. Just tell me about the guy who pissed you off in line or the bastard at work who ruined your day. I just need to know that we sharing. That is what makes the freindship stronger. Without it, there is nothing there.
Maybe some agree, maybe some disagree. That is just how I see it. I do know, in my close circle of friends, there isn't anything I wouldn't tell them. They have my trust and my respect. I care for them, I value them and I love them like an extended family.
Now, I am going to go cry.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Bizarre Dream
Okay I had a dream that I was over for dinner at P & L's house. It was a nice summer sunday evening. After dinner, P suggests we play a game. Sure. They pull out a game called "Caesarean" Not sure if I spelled that correctly or not.
The object of the game: We each play a pregnant woman who must have a caesarean section to have a healthy baby. We live on a backward island somewhere and must take a ship to the mainland, with our doctor, to have a sucessful delivery. The journey from the island to the mainland, will be trecherous such as typhoons and giant squid. Anyways, if the Doctor does not make it, then our birth becomes a random selection for a doctor. Who could potentially be really good or really insane.
P had just finished explaining the rules to me, when L was putting together the giant ship that crosses the map on the board. She places a captain on it who very much resembles Captain Hook from Peter Pan. Then I woke up.
I think I am messed.
The object of the game: We each play a pregnant woman who must have a caesarean section to have a healthy baby. We live on a backward island somewhere and must take a ship to the mainland, with our doctor, to have a sucessful delivery. The journey from the island to the mainland, will be trecherous such as typhoons and giant squid. Anyways, if the Doctor does not make it, then our birth becomes a random selection for a doctor. Who could potentially be really good or really insane.
P had just finished explaining the rules to me, when L was putting together the giant ship that crosses the map on the board. She places a captain on it who very much resembles Captain Hook from Peter Pan. Then I woke up.
I think I am messed.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Strange Brew
I can't sleep. I have resorted to making that "Electrolyte Crap" to get this cold manageable. I took my first dose last night. I thought it helped. Then I called in sick this morning, and then had sudden urge to hack some flem. Yeah, I don't think it worked. So I have another dose, slowly cooling to a drinkable temperature in a mug. Uh...I hope it works this time. I need to breathe properly, soon.
I wonder if the people at work think I am faking my cold or something. I've called in sick 3 times in a row and I've never done that. Should I care? I don't know.
I just hope I get over this before any kind of labour sets in.
Anyways, on a less depressing note. I did get to hang with Ruth last night. That was fun. We chatted over a really good supper. Then we found Sears had discontinued the stroller Lee and I picked out. So, we went over to Toys R Us and found a similar one for cheaper. Only thing I don't like is, the stroller is green. Oh well, I'lll live with it, I guess.
It was nice to be outside yesterday. But with typical fashion, I was tired really fast. I didn't want to be out after a few hours. It was like it drained me. Maybe this illness is really bad and it is taking a toll on me. Of course, it is most likely a sign that I should be on my Mat Leave now. We all make mistakes in judgement every now and then. Next time, I will leave earlier.
Fuck them! Fuck them All!
I wonder if the people at work think I am faking my cold or something. I've called in sick 3 times in a row and I've never done that. Should I care? I don't know.
I just hope I get over this before any kind of labour sets in.
Anyways, on a less depressing note. I did get to hang with Ruth last night. That was fun. We chatted over a really good supper. Then we found Sears had discontinued the stroller Lee and I picked out. So, we went over to Toys R Us and found a similar one for cheaper. Only thing I don't like is, the stroller is green. Oh well, I'lll live with it, I guess.
It was nice to be outside yesterday. But with typical fashion, I was tired really fast. I didn't want to be out after a few hours. It was like it drained me. Maybe this illness is really bad and it is taking a toll on me. Of course, it is most likely a sign that I should be on my Mat Leave now. We all make mistakes in judgement every now and then. Next time, I will leave earlier.
Fuck them! Fuck them All!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Home Again
Well I am still sick. I don't feel like I have gotten any better. The breathing is marginally getting better. And that's about it. I am still waking up in the middle of the night hacking and coughing out flem. And blowing my nose till it hurts. I am still doing all that, even today. I probably should stay home for the rest of the week. I don't really see the point of going into work for two days. If I have another hacking fit in the night, I will not be going to work.
Right now I am listening to some Peter Gabriel. He is making some of the pain go away. No, he's just making me drown it out really. But it is nice.
Tonight I will be making my first venture out of the house in 4 days. I will be meeting Ruth at Kingsway. We will have dinner and go pick up the stroller. I hope the fresh air does some good. Could it do more harm then good? Well, it could make me worse. Yeah, it could. I hope not.
Aside from the above, everything is pretty boring right now. I finished season 8 of Stargate. It was interesting. Some of the stuff was good. It is almost getting to be repetitive though. How many times can you tell stories with the same people without it getting boring? You can't. Take a look at the Simpsons. And that is all that needs to be said.
Right now I am listening to some Peter Gabriel. He is making some of the pain go away. No, he's just making me drown it out really. But it is nice.
Tonight I will be making my first venture out of the house in 4 days. I will be meeting Ruth at Kingsway. We will have dinner and go pick up the stroller. I hope the fresh air does some good. Could it do more harm then good? Well, it could make me worse. Yeah, it could. I hope not.
Aside from the above, everything is pretty boring right now. I finished season 8 of Stargate. It was interesting. Some of the stuff was good. It is almost getting to be repetitive though. How many times can you tell stories with the same people without it getting boring? You can't. Take a look at the Simpsons. And that is all that needs to be said.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Just Feeling Crappy
I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll still feel crappy and not go to work. I hope I do. I just don't want to go in. I'm not up for the pressure while I have pressure in my lungs and sinuses. So what say you all? Think I should just stay home and make sure I am feeling 100% better before I go back? I know most don't think I should go back. That's not the point. I don't know what the point is. My head hurts right now. No wait, that's my tummy.
I amused myself today by watching Stargate season 8. Crazy stuff! I am two episode away from finishing. I might get to them eventually. Well, if I don't go to work tomorrow, I'll get to them a lot sooner.
Well hopefully Lee will return home with some Oreo ice cream. Then I will have a midnight snack. Ah! Snack! And it's ice cream.
I amused myself today by watching Stargate season 8. Crazy stuff! I am two episode away from finishing. I might get to them eventually. Well, if I don't go to work tomorrow, I'll get to them a lot sooner.
Well hopefully Lee will return home with some Oreo ice cream. Then I will have a midnight snack. Ah! Snack! And it's ice cream.
Monday, March 20, 2006
More Sickness
Uh....I feel as drooly as a baby! Ugg! Everything is draining. But it feels awful. Uh...I can't sleep. My body hates me. Why?
Another Cold
Another long weekend and I am sick. Yes, again. Another cold has come my way. I am sick of being sick. Is that possible? Yes, yes it is. At least I have some good people to talk to. Thanks for your help earlier T. I just hope it works out.
So, I had a dream last night about my old friend Russ. This is the second dream that I have had about having contact with him We parted ways in summer of 2001 and never saw or spoke to each other again. Well, that's not true. I saw him walking Whyte Ave with a dog a year later. And then a few months later, I called him at "The Purchase" to tell him I had graduated and landed on my feet. He said he would return my call, but never did. Now, I am having weird nostalgia again.
In both my dreams, Russ called me. Probably returning my call. The first time he was married, with kids and living in Montreal. Last night, he was not working at "The Purchase" anymore. The details are always pretty vague. I guess because I really don't know.
So, I told T about the dream and she did a quick search for the Russ. She managed to locate his dad and his brother. I called his brother, Corey, and left a message. We'll see how that goes.
Anyways, I think I am going back upstairs and have a nap.
So, I had a dream last night about my old friend Russ. This is the second dream that I have had about having contact with him We parted ways in summer of 2001 and never saw or spoke to each other again. Well, that's not true. I saw him walking Whyte Ave with a dog a year later. And then a few months later, I called him at "The Purchase" to tell him I had graduated and landed on my feet. He said he would return my call, but never did. Now, I am having weird nostalgia again.
In both my dreams, Russ called me. Probably returning my call. The first time he was married, with kids and living in Montreal. Last night, he was not working at "The Purchase" anymore. The details are always pretty vague. I guess because I really don't know.
So, I told T about the dream and she did a quick search for the Russ. She managed to locate his dad and his brother. I called his brother, Corey, and left a message. We'll see how that goes.
Anyways, I think I am going back upstairs and have a nap.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I have Resolve
Well, that issue that has been plaguing me for a while. Well, no more fear. I have resolve. I am going to follow the advice of the many. Cause you know what? You are right. I will just be torturing myself. No more torture. I will have some anxiety until it is over, but it will be over in a week.
So until then, I will need encourangement to follow through. I hope I have the courage to pull it off.
So until then, I will need encourangement to follow through. I hope I have the courage to pull it off.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Mat Leave
Yeah, well I think will stick out work as long as possible. I'd rather be busy than twiddling my thumbs at home.
My tummy now has waves of movement. It's kinda cool to watch my skin poke out in random intervals. I think I have a kid who is going to be very active. there are times, he is going for some serious overtime with his excericises. I think I should enroll him in some kind of team sport when he is older. Oh well, things to contemplate for later.
Tonight N is coming over to help us with some pre-baby photos. I think I want to go with a natual and everyday look. Just normal clothes. (Also I have nothing creative to wear.) Maybe a few exposed belly shots. What the hell? I'm not shy. I don't think. I'll let you know what we go with.
My tummy now has waves of movement. It's kinda cool to watch my skin poke out in random intervals. I think I have a kid who is going to be very active. there are times, he is going for some serious overtime with his excericises. I think I should enroll him in some kind of team sport when he is older. Oh well, things to contemplate for later.
Tonight N is coming over to help us with some pre-baby photos. I think I want to go with a natual and everyday look. Just normal clothes. (Also I have nothing creative to wear.) Maybe a few exposed belly shots. What the hell? I'm not shy. I don't think. I'll let you know what we go with.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Staying Home
Today I am home. Mostly cause I just feel like crap. Crappy 9th month of pregnancy. I woke up with a kink in my neck, nausea in the tummy and some pain in my groin. So overall, not so good. So I decided to stay home. I took some Tylenol for the pain and decided to sleep some more. I still feel tired. Surprise, surprise. I just came back from the Chiropractor and he adjustd my back and neck. So my joints don't hurt as bad. There is a plus there. The nausea, unfortunatly, I can't do anything about. I am just stuck with it.
Lee is outside shovelling the snow. I am in the house all cozy by the computer. Hmmm...maybe I will go back to sleep. Sleep sounds really good right now. What is that talk of "a burst of energy" in your last trimester? What a load of CRAP!
I had a very explicit dream last night/this morning. I had a dream I was having sex with Chief Tyrol on Battlestar Gallactica. (You know, the guy in charge of fixing all the fighter planes.)
For those of you with no frame of refrence, here is a picture.
http://www.aarondouglas.biz/gallery.php?view=photo&img=6
The details were very specific. I remember, tearing off each others clothes and being really fascinated with his nipples. The dream was so vivid. I saw colour. I can remember tastes and smells. It was was pretty...detailed. Putting it mildly.
Anyways, moving on. I think I hear Lee calling, "Lunch is ready."
Later folks!
Lee is outside shovelling the snow. I am in the house all cozy by the computer. Hmmm...maybe I will go back to sleep. Sleep sounds really good right now. What is that talk of "a burst of energy" in your last trimester? What a load of CRAP!
I had a very explicit dream last night/this morning. I had a dream I was having sex with Chief Tyrol on Battlestar Gallactica. (You know, the guy in charge of fixing all the fighter planes.)
For those of you with no frame of refrence, here is a picture.
http://www.aarondouglas.biz/gallery.php?view=photo&img=6
The details were very specific. I remember, tearing off each others clothes and being really fascinated with his nipples. The dream was so vivid. I saw colour. I can remember tastes and smells. It was was pretty...detailed. Putting it mildly.
Anyways, moving on. I think I hear Lee calling, "Lunch is ready."
Later folks!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
I have to Say
Yesterday was a good day. Lee and I finally received our rebate checks and promptly decided to spend them. But on things we need.
One, we got a dishwasher. A decent one. They will come and install it for us and take away the old one. Sweet! Soon, we will never have to wash dishes the same away again. YAY!
Two, we also picked up a digital camera. My birthday money helped this purchase. So, therefore it is mostly MY toy. But it is also a Sony, to keep the Sony-whore happy. But it is a actually a pretty good camera. We gave it a trial run at Andraya's birthday party yesterday.
Yes, it was also Andraya's birthday yesterday. Therefore, that is the most important thing here. She got spoiled. (DUH!) And she got to have her cake and eat it too. Much attention was given to the birthday girl. She truly was a little princess.
Something has been bothering me for a bit. I kinda want to talk about it. Roughly about 3 weeks ago, I ran into an old friend of mine. It was a nice surprise. At the time. I even tried following up. I did call her. It went okay. She had to go. Company came while we were on the phone. And she said she would call me the next day. She never called. Neither did she call the day after. And she has not called since. One thing she did make sure I knew, while were on the phone, at the time, was this Heather women, who had just come in, was her "best friend". She said it a few times. Like she was proud and declaring her status. But how many times do you have to say it? I get it. We're not best friends anymore. How can I expect that after so long? We were not there for each other. I wasn't even looking for it. I just wanted to have a friendship back. And I'm pretty candid. I keep quite a few people close to me. I don't think I have just one best friend. Well, aside from Lee, who is the obvious choice. But no. I can trust at least a good handful of people. Maybe even two hands. I consider myself quite lucky that way.
Well, since she hasn't called me back and she beat the idea that this Heather girl is her "best friend", should I really attempt to call her or even bother? Has she really changed? She has always said, "I am not usually around, but I will be there when you need me." Well, if you are never there when I just wanna hang and talk about stuff, what makes you think I will think of you when I need something? Ah, her false logic. It never fails to prove my point.
One, we got a dishwasher. A decent one. They will come and install it for us and take away the old one. Sweet! Soon, we will never have to wash dishes the same away again. YAY!
Two, we also picked up a digital camera. My birthday money helped this purchase. So, therefore it is mostly MY toy. But it is also a Sony, to keep the Sony-whore happy. But it is a actually a pretty good camera. We gave it a trial run at Andraya's birthday party yesterday.
Yes, it was also Andraya's birthday yesterday. Therefore, that is the most important thing here. She got spoiled. (DUH!) And she got to have her cake and eat it too. Much attention was given to the birthday girl. She truly was a little princess.
Something has been bothering me for a bit. I kinda want to talk about it. Roughly about 3 weeks ago, I ran into an old friend of mine. It was a nice surprise. At the time. I even tried following up. I did call her. It went okay. She had to go. Company came while we were on the phone. And she said she would call me the next day. She never called. Neither did she call the day after. And she has not called since. One thing she did make sure I knew, while were on the phone, at the time, was this Heather women, who had just come in, was her "best friend". She said it a few times. Like she was proud and declaring her status. But how many times do you have to say it? I get it. We're not best friends anymore. How can I expect that after so long? We were not there for each other. I wasn't even looking for it. I just wanted to have a friendship back. And I'm pretty candid. I keep quite a few people close to me. I don't think I have just one best friend. Well, aside from Lee, who is the obvious choice. But no. I can trust at least a good handful of people. Maybe even two hands. I consider myself quite lucky that way.
Well, since she hasn't called me back and she beat the idea that this Heather girl is her "best friend", should I really attempt to call her or even bother? Has she really changed? She has always said, "I am not usually around, but I will be there when you need me." Well, if you are never there when I just wanna hang and talk about stuff, what makes you think I will think of you when I need something? Ah, her false logic. It never fails to prove my point.
