Serious Thoughts

I've been thinking about friendship lately. Well, more than lately. Pretty much forever. The thing that bothers me is the friends I have lost over the years. Some I know why, some I don't know why. These were people I thought were really close to me and they severed the ties without really saying, "Bye." And I miss them.

First, there was Cara. Okay I know why she's gone. It was pretty much because her boyfriend, Jay, hit on my. In a big way. While she was sleeping in the other room. And she didn't believe me. So she believed the word of a guy she had been with for one year as apposed to a friend whom she's known for 5 years. Nice. As far as I know, they are still together. I caught a glimpse of them last summer at Klondike Days. They were right ahead of Lee and I, in line, to see the Twisted Sister concert. Needless to say, I ran away to avoid them. I really have nothing to say about that.

Then there was Russ. We seemed to be really close until shortly after we became roommates. He became very cold to me. I don't know why to this day. After living a year and a half together, we parted ways. He never called or looked me up. I can't even find him listed in the city anymore. Who knows where he is now.

Now Jessy. I may have ran into her lately and be talking to her again, but there is nothing there. I get that now. And here's why. She stopped talking to me. And don't mean contacting. She just didn't tell me anything. Fine, we don't have to talk about your deep dark secrets. Trust is earned, not bestowed. But tell me about your day, Gees! She finally called me last week. She was baking cookies and life was boring. That was all she offered. Then she mentioned how busy her life was. "Uh, what? I thought you said it was boring." We can't create a friendship unless you sharing goes both ways. My friend P said something that struck me, "It doesn't matter if I talk to you once a month or once a year or whatever. I don't need that." And you know what, he's right. It shouldn't matter. Friendship just IS and it doesn't require "a check in" to make sure things are okay. But the friendship will not work without that give and take. It doesn't have to be too personal, if that bothers some. Just tell me about the guy who pissed you off in line or the bastard at work who ruined your day. I just need to know that we sharing. That is what makes the freindship stronger. Without it, there is nothing there.

Maybe some agree, maybe some disagree. That is just how I see it. I do know, in my close circle of friends, there isn't anything I wouldn't tell them. They have my trust and my respect. I care for them, I value them and I love them like an extended family.

Now, I am going to go cry.