Deep Thought

When someone gives you the finger from their fine automobile, it is amazing how much affect that has on the rest of your day.

Some brief good news. With the last bit of Christmas money I had, I broke down and bought myself an ipod. I trekked out in the bitter cold, last night and went all the way to Westworld to get one. Every other electronics outlet was sold out of the one I wanted. And either way, it would have cost me the same amount of money, no matter where I bought it. I picked up a black, 30GB ipod that is an absolute dream. I love this machine. I like interfacing through itunes, rather than napster. I thought about getting the 8GB nano but since the 8GB nano was same cost as a 30GB ipod, I went with the later. Easy enough. I skipped some needed study time to play with my new toy. Bad, I know. But, so much fun!

I am in a funk. I don't know when I will be out of my funk. Part of it is career related. I feel like there is just too much presure on me right now. With the heavy course I am taking and which job I should go to. I am certain I could get hired anywhere I apply to, right now. But part of me doesn't know if I could hack it. Could I really make it anywhere I go to? I just have lack of faith in my abilities right now. I think because I don't know if I passed FA4, yet. But, at the same time, do I want to return to a place that won't give me my window seat back? What is more important to me? The window seat? Or the learning curve? That, and I like everybody where I work. I would miss them. Or do I want to stay at the current place I am at and just get pregnant again, right away? I do want to have a big family. I better get cracking on that. I am also a great procrastinator. Do I really have the drive to obtain my CGA? I sometimes think so. And sometimes I would just rather play solitaire and fart around with my MP3 player. It is hard to make up my mind. Help. What should I do? I know, I know. I will do what is right for me, when the time comes. I just wish I knew what that was.